Today I learned that a girl I knew died--apparently through suicide. We weren't close and were more acquaintances than anything. But I worked at the same place and I remember just a few weeks ago she came through my line. I don't know what the situation was but I hope that she is in a better place now. RIP.
And this made me think about how incredibly lucky I am. You see, I've never been to a funeral before in my life. I've been to exactly two wakes. Except I was never really close to either of them. Even when my maternal grandfather died, I didn't really feel anything. I had only met him twice but both experiences were when I was extremely little.
I have not lost a family member or a friend to death. I don't know how I would even react to something like my parents' death or a younger sibling or a friend. I've just been able to live a good life with family and friends who have been there for me.
It makes me wonder if I'm strong enough to handle that kind of devastation. I mean, if anyone asked me, without a doubt I'd reply that I would be okay. I'm a strong and resilient girl. Always have been. My life experiences will not accept any alternatives. But to care for someone and then for them to disappear? To die?
I don't know if I'd be able to handle it. And this is a little sliver of hope I get when thinking about God. I like to believe that for whatever reason God has protected me and those I care for until I'm ready to handle it.