Saturday, August 27, 2011

Doubts, Worries, Regrets, and Fears

So Hurricane Irene is coming. Not too worried though. It just sucks because I work at a grocery store so yesterday and today have been crazy with people scrambling to get emergency supplies. And while the governor has declared a state of emergency, I don't think it'll be a huge issue. Because I'm not on the coast and more inland, I forecast storms and powerful winds--which hopefully won't change my move in date for college. THAT would seriously bum me out.

Anyways, I have a confession to make. If you haven't guessed already, I'm an amazing faker. So good that sometimes I even begin to believe my own delusions. I'm a sociology major. A major I picked on my own because I found the subject matter interesting but as I look into the upper-level courses and review what I'd like to do with my life. . .well let's just say I feel like I picked the wrong major. I don't feel like I'm being challenged and that my brain is slowly turning to mush because it's not being used. And it sucks! I mean, hello?! I'm already in a serious amount of debt that I don't know how for sure I can pay off. Scary.

And then there's the whole idea that I NEED to graduate in four years. It just makes me so frustrated sometimes. I wish everything in my life lined up perfectly. I wish I worked harder in high school to get into a better college. I wish I tried for more scholarships. Damn it, I wish I didn't waste my time away so much.

But I only have one life to live. My parents have always been supportive of me making my own choices and mistakes. I can handle this and need to choose the path that makes me happy and most comfortable not whatever anyone else thinks is right.

That doesn't make this any easier though.

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